I got out to test tested again so I could end my quarantine and the 1 hour trip back home already elongated to an hour and a half because some threads here are too interesting and I just didn't hear the train coming
I still have two more hours before a early afternoon remote meeting where I have to present, so I will be fine. But I got up way too early for my vacation-lagged self so I want to go back to my coffee soon
hmm #parenting philosophy eh. I don’t feel like I can opine much since it’s been some three years since I had the privilege and pleasure of being the primary caretaker, but thinking about this helps me prepare for when I get them to immigrate too, which hopefully isn’t too far off. So let's see.
Dear self, you be mommy. Please do not forget:
- Remind your children that they are loved, often. Show them with actions that they are loved, often.
- Make it clear that the love you feel for them does not depend on a specific kind of response, or responding at all (daughter is unable to respond to messages rn, hard to convey to her just how many times, how strongly, how very much, girl, girl, I been there);
- Make it clear that the love you feel for them does not depend on productivity, school grades, being "intelligent", obedience, conformance to your own dreams of what your children should be (including dreams of them being artistic, queer, rebels etc.);
- Make it clear that the love you have for them will not go away and it’s always ok to request more caring;
- Make it clear that the love you have for them is *not* unconditional and you *would* stop loving them if, for example, they became unrepentant abusers, white nationalists etc. While you know your children will never become that, this is how they learn that love is not unconditional, a lesson they'll need to apply in their own relations. You can talk, for example, about people you fell out of love with, and what damage exactly they did to warrant that. They have to think about what kind of actions would warrant cutting ties with a close relative, a close friend, a partner.
- But also make it clear that there are always a path into the good, that the problem with abusers etc. is not the hurt itself but the not caring about it. That as long as you care about people, you can find ways to own up to your mistakes. That this is what is expected of you, not being mistake-free.
- Make it clear that they know they’ll always have your financial support as long as you can give it, that you don’t buy into capitalist values of "earning one’s independence", that you are aware they didn’t ask to be born.
- If the children are doing something "for attention", then fucking. give. them. more. attention.
- Children are your legal slaves, do whatever you can to dismantle this and give them full autonomy and power of consent. You can’t do it for real, not fully, until these social systems are fully abolished, but if you have to be legally a slavemaster, at least treat your slaves like equal members of the farm. And make sure they understand just how unfair is their situation, minors are the invisible oppressed class.
- Also talk with them about what kind of behaviour is unacceptable from a powerholder, and that you are a powerholder here.
- You will fuck up. Am yet to meet a parent who doesn't. A sea could be filled with the bitter tears of parental self-loathing for stuff we did to our kids. Sometimes you will reproduce with them the exact same shitty things that adults and parents did to you, with a level of mirroring that’s downright uncanny. Be aware of this pull, then don’t do it.
- And if you do it, apologise and talk with them about why what you did was wrong. There’s a part of your mind that tries to make it hard for you to apologise. Ask this part of your mind to get out of the fucking way, then apologise anyway. Remember the times we did this, how valuable it was, how much this will protect them in the future when other figures of authority do them bad.
- They’ll be on Earth longer than you (hopefully, please, please, oh goddess please). Involve them in preparations for how to deal with the collapsing system (preparations is mostly community-building and how to teach oneself things). Their generation is at a weird place where they still have to deal with diplomas and marketeable careers etc. even as everything is already broken enough that nobody believes in the corporate dream anymore. So it’s important to show them what other dreams are there to believe in.
- Honestly though their generation is rad as *heck*, we got nothing on them, be prepared to provide them with resources then get out of the way and let them do their stuff.
- Neither hide your religion from them, nor talk too enthusiastically about it. They tend to get into stuff just to show you they like you. Make sure they understand they'll be equally close to you and equally loved no matter how much they engage with your interests, or not at all.
- Also praise, incentivise, provide resources, help, advice with their own interests that you don’t share.
- Just generally be as kind and respectful to them as you would to any other person whom you love and is not a legal slave.
I came back home from not having watered my plants for 18 days and I thought many didn't survive, but actually after rehydration most seems fine! The succulents are finally growing, the dead raspberry abandoned on my balcony seems to enjoy having no water at all, and my tomatoes grown from seed actually got their first baby tomatoes!
Quelques mot épicènes pour complimenter vos adelphes :
mims (se prononce "mim'sse")
brave (peut être insultant)
Unlearning shame about being out of breath
"Being out of breath during exertion is normal. Yet many people of all shapes and sizes have told me they avoid physical activity because they don’t want to feel shame for being out of breath.
Listen. There are thin people who get out of breath climbing the stairs out of the subway. And there are fat people who can sing and play a flute while dancing for hours and not be out of breath (all hail Lizzo)."
longread: A Future with No Future: Depression, the Left, and the Politics of Mental Health
"This is the blaming cult of contemporary capitalism: you are causing your own depression — even when evidently you are not. [...] Capitalism makes us feel bad and then, to add insult to injury, makes us feel bad about feeling bad."
call to action for today! mass deportation in Berlin
As more we are pushed into isolation by authoritarian order, as more urgent it becomes to connect the different struggles towards each other.
Today, while the pandemic continues, the german state aims to conduct a mass deportation to #Afghanistan.
If you happen to be in #Berlin, come to the airport BER Terminal 5. Usually deportation starts around 21:00.
A protest is organized to start at 18:00 next to the deport ation prison.
#b0704 #NoBorder #NoNation
more info here:
Today I discovered pympress and now I am never again doing a presentation without reading my notes on my own screen
(Or a presentation where I have a small window floating above the fullscreen slides where I try to scroll from note to note fast enough that nobody notices I forgot what I needed to say)
i just got the best book recommendations from https://loveyourshelf.net !
💯 percent totally recommended!
I'm now sitting on the ground next to my boyfriend's work because I'm not allowed in. But he was allowed to sneak some snack and a warm drink out so I'm happily waiting here and looking for turtles.
It turns out that when I hear my echo louder than I hear myself with a tiny delay, I can't even say just one sentence without either getting silent or starting to repeat what I hear
I'm testing the sound on my laptop in a videoconference with myself and I'm having fun / getting a bit frustrated at it because it reminds me of having had the same problem at a conference.
I think org-mode is the best solution so far against my tendency to spend days perfecting the template of anything I write, instead of actually writing the content.
Miscommunication at work, c-ptsd, physical exercice
I took me a couple of hours to break through the emotional flashback of feeling unfairly punished. I think exercising helped the most? I did a small Darebee exercice with a borrowed heavy kettlebell, which was quick enough that I don't get bored, and I was feeling better.
And then I started writing a proper report as my supervisor advised and already sent it too her!
Miscommunication at work
My ex supervisor was on my side
Miscommunication at work
My ex-supervisor is asking me to send her the missing documents before I send them higher, so in an hour when we meet I'll have to explain that I send the bad timeline to our secretary a month ago who sent it higher herself, and that I don't actually know what missing documents there was since nobody told me anything.
I'm so upset I've spent the whole morning rehearsing explainations to her in my head. And I'm going to disappoint her! Again!
Watching potatoes grow
Trying to draw
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